Croup, Hot Paramedics, and Me

So my ASD non-verbal four year old woke up gasping for breath in a croupy kind of way about two hours after going to bed last night. Then he started the croup cough with the gasping, then he started ASD screaming because that's what he does. Within five minutes of this beginning, I had him outside in the cold night air, and I was on the phone with 911. I am pleased to say the firefighters and paramedics were there within 5 minutes. (I am embarrassed to say that when talking to the 911 operator my first comment was "My baby is having trouble breathing". "How old is your baby?" "Four."  I am imagining my embarrassment when I open with the same line in 15 years).

 

 

The paramedics could easily hear my son's croup, and the lead paramedic, (who I couldn't help notice was kind of hot... not the hottest guy I've ever seen, but hot enough that I noticed he was hot in the midst of crisis. Obviously a body builder with bulging biceps and a clear V-shape... I digress) immediately determined that my son needed to be taken in to the hospital to get the croup treated. Then he lifted my lil tantruming, gasping, coughing, punkin pie out of my arms to carry into the ambulance, almost dropping him at first because he is really hard to hold if he doesn't want to be held. When the paramedic figured out how to carry my son, he walked away with more confidence, and, being a single mom, it twigged something in me, seeing my son easily carried away by strong compassionate skilled arms. It also felt like a huge relief knowing at the moment he was in caring capable hands. I got a rare, brief, sense of relief (for about 60 seconds) absorbing that for even a few minutes, I am not the sole human responsible for my little human's life. The relief struck me so hard because I'm not normally cognisant of that extra, relentless weight that single parenting brings.

They took the car seat out of my car and transported my son to the hospital in the ambulance, in his car seat. When we got to the ER (I followed in the car), and had him assigned to a bed, the hot paramedic couldn't figure out how to get my son out of his car seat (on the stretcher) and into the bed... because if my son doesn't want to get out of his car seat, you'd almost have to break his bones to get him out. The paramedic tried the fun approach, the quick distraction approach, and finally got my son out, only because my son allowed it. But then my son unleashed his full wrath on the paramedic who glanced at me for some guidance. "Carry him like a log," I coached him. He did, and we got my son transferred into a crib (which he liked... always been attracted to fences and firm boundaries).

As they were departing for their next call the hot paramedic looked at me and shook his head saying, "Man, that kid is strong for a 4 year old! You must be incredibly strong if you have to do that all the time." And then they were off before I had a chance to register his comment

In the end, my son is fine. We were released 3 hours later with some good doctor coaching on the complexities of determining emergency with a non-verbal child with little self regulation ability. And affirmation that I had done the right thing, and because he is non-verbal, its always better to be safe than sorry.

Then I had to figure out how to carry out my son, his car seat, his backpack, and my purse, across the street to where our car was parked. I did it by carrying my son on my shoulders, the backpack on my back, my purse slung across me, and the car seat in one hand. I felt proud and competent that I was able to do that.

And that's really what I got from the whole experience... a sense of pride in myself, that I asked for help when I needed it, even with the potential embarrassment of being one of "those people" who call an ambulance for a runny nose. (And I am really, really bad at asking for help) I am learning to trust my gut feelings more and more and just drop what I think other people might be thinking of me.

I bought this inspirational wall hanging when I moved into my current home last year.

 I think I bought it with hope in mind. I look at it and read it over all the time. And last night I realized that I have become everything on that sign.